A Swazi traditional wedding starts with the engagement which
is called kuteka (koo-tay-gah). The
bride, who has spent the night at the groom’s homestead, is woken before dawn
by the female members of the groom’s family.
She is taken to the kraal, the pen where the cows sleep (it’ where a lot
of traditions take place). When they
are in the kraal, she stands basically naked and is forced to cry while the groom’s
family sings until dawn. If she doesn’t
cry, they make her. They might pour
water on her, it’s before dawn, so she will be so cold she will want to cry
(how’s that for welcome to the family!?!).
Then the bride’s family is notified and there is a meeting to discuss
the bride price, the amount of cows the groom’s family must give to the bride’s
family.
I have a few issues with this whole ceremony. Firstly, I believe that it condones
premarital sex. I know, I know, almost
no one stays a virgin until marriage these days. But I am living in a country
with the highest HIV rate in the world and tradition says that in order for a
woman to get married she must sleep at the groom’s home, then woken from his
bed, and when she is outside she is naked.
So from that I am assuming that there wasn’t just sleep happening during
the night. Not only does this country
have the highest HIV rate in the world, but there also isn’t great access to
condoms, and I’m not sure the girls even know what birth control is until well
after their sexual debut, let alone have the resources to access it. And women equality and empowerment… ha, what’s
that? My second issue with this
tradition is the crying. I guess it is
supposed to symbolize how she must lose her family because now she belongs to
the groom’s family. I love my family too much to ever lose them and
weddings/engagements are supposed to be happy days and not days to symbolize grief
and loss. My last issue is that a bride
price implies ownership, so as an independent, free-thinking woman I cannot
agree.
The wedding itself, umtsimba, was great fun though! It is a cultural event with everyone in their
traditional clothes, singing and dancing to their traditional songs. I am sure there was a lot of drinking of the
traditional brew which would be a lot of fun except I don’t drink with Swazis
in order to better protect my own safety.
However, I did join in on the dancing and no one seemed to mind my
horrible rhythm. The biggest negative of
the whole ceremony was that everyone looked beautiful, everyone except that is,
for the bride! The bride wears a big
feather headdress that covers her face like a veil, except ugly! She wears little balloons of cow intestine
in her hair and an apron of goatskin over her traditional clothes. On my wedding day I hope to look the most
beautiful I will ever be. Unfortunately,
a traditional Swazi cannot say the same.
 |
| Umtsimba - Swazi Bride pictured on the right |
This weekend, I attended a Western style wedding. One of my neighbors who also attends the
church I go to got married on Saturday.
It was held at the Primary School’s hall where two weeks ago I was
teaching over 120 6th graders how to knit scarves. Now the room was transformed to a wedding
hall and even more overcrowded than it is during school hours. But as all weddings seem to do, it started
late, so the choir from my church kept us well entertained with their gospel
songs. Finally the wedding party arrives
and begins the ceremony with a choreographed dance down the aisle. The flower girls came first, throwing candy
at the crowd and suddenly I am having flashbacks 4th of July parades
after the fire trucks pass throwing candy to the children. It is amazing how fast a group of mature adults
become petty and childish. I thought
they were going to jump over each other and the toddlers in their way just for
few pieces of penny candies. The candy
doesn’t even taste that good anyways.
After the flower girls, then it’s the bridal party’s turn, more
than two dozen people in all! If I had a
bridal party that big there would be no one to sit in the audience! They had the opportunity to show off their
moves in a choreographed Electric Slide-type dance that just couldn’t wait for
the reception to be done. Three steps
forward, one to the right, some weird hand movements, two steps back, awkwardly
get their faces as close as they can as if they will kiss, oh wait, but then
they fake us out and repeat the dance down the entire aisle all the while with
a stone-face look on their face. The
groom enters in the front door after the procession finishes. He bravely wears a white suit, bravely,
because nothing here stays white for long here.
Finally the moment we were all waiting for, the bride enters with her
father. She looks absolutely gorgeous,
prettier than I have ever seen her look!
They reach the front and the father hands off his daughter just like
would happen in America. It seemed like
what would happen in America until the father turned around, waved at the
crowd, and then exited the way he came in.
I turned to the teacher sitting next to me and asked “Where is he
going? Isn’t he going stay and watch his
daughter?” She simply said “He left, so I
don’t think so.” Many parts of the
wedding were overdramatized and exaggerated.
I attribute that to the TV they watch here which consists of Soap Operas
like Days of Our Lives and WWE wrestling.
Can’t get much more dramatic than those shows.
Another highlight that seemed strange to me was when it came
time to show the symbol of oneness, of two becoming one. In America it is common to take the fire from
two separate candles and together light a 3rd candle or some other
variation of this. But here they choose
to use Coke products, mixing Sprite and Orange Fanta! I have seen that done at both Christian
weddings I have attended here and it made me laugh both times.
 |
| The HUGE wedding party! |
The best part of the wedding is in the transitions between
speakers. Swazis are gifted in leading
congregations in songs, so whenever a speaker finishes their speech they
automatically begin a song which is then backed up by the choir and then entire
congregation. It is beautiful and a small
detail that is spontaneous and natural for them, but it really adds something
for me and also gives the next presenter time to get in their place to start
the next part of the program.
Actually most of the ceremony is similar to America except
it lacks the sense of sophistication or appreciation that this couple is
entering the next stage in life. I got
the feeling that most of the people were just attending for the free food that
was promised following the wedding, but maybe my impression had to do with the
overcrowding in the room, the length of the ceremony as it went on and on, and
people losing patience. When the
ceremony finally finished mass chaos ensued as people lined up for food, ate
their food, and went on their way.
 |
| My Swazi mom |
I was left wanting more.
I am accustomed to having the formal reception after the wedding, where
the real fun takes place! I wanted to
dance and celebrate with the couple and all of my friends in the
community. Instead I was home by 6pm and
in the mood to dance, so I improvised having a solo dance party in my hut! I turned my music turned as loud as it could
go and jammed out. I invited my sisis
and bhuti to join, but they seemed content laughing at me and playing with my
iPod.
Sometimes I wonder which wedding I would want if I were a
Swazi woman. Thank God I am not because I
prefer neither of them as I have seen them.
I love the cultural aspect of the Umtismba but couldn’t deal with the
disparity women face here or the horrible costume the bride wears during the
ceremony. Whereas the Christian wedding
tries to mimic American weddings but don’t do them justice.
